I’m (37f) a white woman, out of my depth on this topic, and too scared to ask anyone who is African American face-to-face. My son’s (14m) first girlfriend is an African American girl (13f), who we’ll call Nina. Usually, when I see her, she’s a bubbly social butterfly. She smiles a lot and is very talkative.
Recently, I noticed Nina seeming less confident the times I see her. Her change in demeanor was the most noticeable change but I also noticed the recent lack of wig, makeup, and jewelry. I didn’t even realize the two things were connected.
One day, I was to drive them to a party. My son was upstairs and Nina was downstairs. She looked like she was dreading going to this party, and I asked her what’s wrong. She said she doesn’t feel pretty. I asked her why and she said she’s still getting used to showing her natural hair. I asked her if she feels uncomfortable showing her hair, why is she doing it. She said my son thinks she looks cooler this way. I told her I used to do things just to impress boys when I was her age. I told her she can wear a wig even if my son doesn’t want her to.
Days later, I’ve never seen my son more angry with me than that day. He said I’m a white woman and I shouldn’t be advising a black girl how to look. He said called me an overhearing mom and a Karen. I was too shocked to speak as I never seen him so angry. Am I the asshole ?
